Saturday, August 25, 2007

When the cows come home . . .

Lately I've been rather . . . well, unsatisfied with life.

I know that I don't usually write emo entries and I try not to but at the moment, I really want to spill out how I feel.

So leave now if you don't want to read pathetic, petty things.

+ . + . + . + . +

It's not that nothing has gone right in my life so far.
I am happy :D

Either that or I'm trying to convince my readers and myself :(

There are a lot of things that are bringing me down.

I try not to think about them but when you're sitting alone in your room, listening to bluesy music, your mind tends to wander back to the little unhappy things have happened recently in your life.

My pracs have not been going so well.
It's been so frustrating that I want to tear my hair out and just cry. I'm not the only one either.
It's been 4 weeks now and I still haven't gotten any results :(

I keep telling myself, 'It's alright . . . there's next week . . . I'll get the results next week!'
But I just keep getting disappointed. I've gotten to a point where I just don't give a damm anymore.

Plus I didn't do well in a test because I've been so very, very careless... mistaking a C for a G and also XhoI for XbaI. I know that I could have scored better. I guess I was being too confident. That really bummed me out.

Also . . . turns out a lot of my fellow classmates have gotten their summer scholarships with a grant of $300 per week.

I missed out on the chance and I know that if I had just signed up and met up with Dr. Able earlier, I would have gotten it too. $300 per week is definitely enough for me to pay my rent and get by!

But at least I've met up with Dr. Able and I know that he'll definitely take me on for the summer to do a project with him.

I know I have to focus on the happier things in my life but it's been one hard week.

I've always enjoyed the independence that I have, especially in uni. I don't have to get stick to a group (no peer pressure, wahey!) and I pretty much get along with most people :)
But this week, I felt a little lonely.
Perhaps I've just been thinking too much but for a while now, I noticed how some friends just well, ignore you when they have their gang around but becomes your best friend when they're alone or when they need your help.

Just the thought of these people dampers my mood a little.
I don't know why.
I feel a little empty inside.
Like something's missing.
But I can't quite put my finger on it.

Maybe I just miss talking to Sharon.
She'd listen to me whine. Right, Sharon? *puppy eyes*

Ahh... I don't know.
Maybe it's something else?

But one thing's for sure, I've lost a bit of my confidence. The confidence to believe in myself.
The confidence to try again.

Hmm.. maybe that's what I'm missing.

Anyway, rant's over.

I hate it when I go on and on about something because I figure in the process I'd figure out what's bothering me then realize I'm no closer to it than when I started.

+ . + . + . + . +

Lately I've been listening to a lot of jazz and stumbled upon Olivia Ong who is a Singaporean! She's got a contract with some Japanese music company and I must say I'm really impressed.

I love her soothing clear voice. Perfect for my emo-ness.

She's pretty too :)


datboon said...

remember me?

just dropping by to say hi.


Oh dear me. No, I don't think I remember you at all... :(

How are you?? :)
Are you enjoying Adelaide?

Whiskoffee said...

Olivia.. She is young too. =)

datboon said...

I'm deprived of my Malaysian food...i miss the penang char koay teow...apart from that, i'm hanging in there.

Sir sc said...

listening ! ..nice eheehe


@whiskoffee: do you like jazz?? :)

@datboon: Hmm... I know you can't get the authentic malaysian food here but it's not too bad right?

@sir sc: sorry, listening to what?

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