Sunday, January 20, 2008


This will probably be another lengthy rant-filled entry but I deserve to sort out my thoughts for they are in a tangled mess. I need to rip them apart and organize them.

Usually when I feel overwhelmed, I either stop to think or crash and burn.
Fortunately it’s seldom the latter.

However, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been running around until I’ve worn out my shoes and have blisters all over my feet. I convinced myself that I had too much to do thus I became self-involved and oblivious to the world around me.

Recently, I was given a mentally hard slap across the face. The words knocked me down and have been embedded in my head ever since. I know that it won’t be long before I’d forget them because I am only human. So right now, I’ve stopped to take a deep long breath.

Those words have made me realize what I was doing all along. I had much to do but yet I could not bring myself to do them, instead I pushed them aside and told myself that I have something else of equal importance to do, unfortunately I took my time in completing it.

Perhaps I kept making excuses for myself because I liked being busy. As silly as it sounds, perhaps I like the thought of having lots of important things to do because it made me feel important.

Now I feel like I’ve stretched myself too thinly by wanting to do so many things at the same time. But yet I’m afraid… because I don’t want to disappoint people. I feel so pressured into wanting to get good results that every failure that I’ve come across, I beat myself up for it, when I should learn form them because failures are a natural part of life.

I’ve let my emotions get in my way again. Many a times I’ve told myself not to do so but like I said I’m only human.
I want to open up to Jason and Kelvin but I find it so hard to. Do I really want them to have the ability to hurt me?
At the moment, I really only have one person to be vulnerable with. Only one person and that scares the hell out of me.

This will be one interesting year.
Anyways! Here's a bit of comic relief!


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