It's time to let go

I have just made the biggest decision of my life.

I have decided to discontinue my Honours project with Dr Jason Able.

I know it’s surprising especially I have been brought up (I suspect as most Asian kids are) to never give up in whatever I do and stick it through.

I for one, never expect to find myself here… where I thought most young adults find themselves; fresh out of uni with a qualification and yet no real sense of direction in life.

Two months ago, I figured that if I did Honours, I wouldn’t have to bother with the prospect of finding a job or applying for a PR. I thought that once I’ve finished my thesis, I would be able to sort that out in my own sweet time.

I am so unprepared for the real world. I’m scared but I’m excited.

One minute I can be extremely positive and thrilled at the thought of being in the workforce but the next, I fidget and squirm in my seat with horrible thoughts of being unemployed and having to return to Brunei. Ugh.

My decision to quit Honours was extremely hard.
I had a long heartfelt talk to Jason Able. He does this to each of his Honours students at the start of their year and apparently 99% of them has cried. You don’t have to wonder if I did.

I have had a thought about quitting before but I didn’t because I thought about the scholarship that I would have to give up.
But I didn’t quit and stuck through it for another three weeks.

Couple of days ago, my mom called and realized that I was unhappy. So she urged me to quit. I never saw that coming!
She reminded me that Honours was my choice and that I came to Australia to complete a degree. She said that I did it and she’s proud of me. At this point I was sobbing uncontrollably.

She said that it was still my decision whether I want to continue Honours or not and no matter what path I chose, she would be behind me and support me.

Funnily enough, the next morning Jason had the one-on-one talk with me and her words came back to me. Jas asked me a series of questions to determine how committed I would be to the project.

I do not feel the project with my heart and soul.

And because of my current situation, I cannot give him the 100% that he wants me to give.
I dread waking up some days because of the lengthy bus rides and long hours in the lab. I doubt that I can give him the 1st class that he wants me to. I am already feeling the immense pressure.

I know it seems rather early as most students haven’t even started theirs yet but my summer research project was actually a part of my Honours (I was to obtain a promoter gene required for my Honours project), so technically I have been thrown into the deep end of the pool from the start.
So it won’t be so bad if I stop now because Honours officially commenced last week.

Perhaps I’ll find another project that I would enjoy or maybe I’ll get a job.
I find myself waking up knowing that I can be a kick-ass Honours student if it was the right project and I wonder if I should let it all go.

Anyway it's still not too late to do so :)

Wish me luck!


And happy chinese new year!
Those of you who are collecting 'ang bao' please share some with me!!